Up until about 4 weeks before I had baby #3 I had been a full-time working Mom. I was let go from my highly paid, coveted role as Operations Manager for a small company. I am currently in the middle of a lawsuit with my employer so that is a story for another time. I was the breadwinner, the working Mama who balanced it all and made things happen. Over the last year, I had been considering a less demanding position so that I could shift my focus to the home front, so I have been trying to look at this as a blessing in disguise. But let me just say, this has been a hard transition.
As a working mom I always had this idea in my head of what things would be like if I was able to stay home. I kind of knew that in all reality staying home would drive me a little crazy, but I had no idea what I was in for. I’m in the process of healing from a c-section and adjusting to going from 2 kids to 3, so the idea in my head was far off from the reality. Making dinner every night is so far off my radar it’s not even funny. I mostly just spend my day using phrases like, “No”, “I said no”, “Get down from there”, “Get that out of your mouth”, “Put it back” and cleaning off sticky surfaces, and who knew there were so many “snacks” required? I’m quickly losing my sanity.
It’s hard not to get bitter with my husband. I so look forward to him coming home and taking these kids so I can go to the bathroom alone. But he “worked” all day. It’s an instinct to get defensive and lash out, but I remind myself that we are in this together. To keep myself together I treat my “Stay at home” status like another form of employment. I keep my morning routine and get up before the kids and make a list for the day of what I want to accomplish. I honestly don’t get ready every day like I probably should but I usually at least will throw on some powder and mascara. I will say that I usually feel better when I put some thought into my outfit but considering I just had a C-section 5 weeks ago, I am giving myself a grace period. This phase is hard because I am going through big transitions on every front. Not only did I lose my job, my income and everything I’ve known for the last decade of my life, but I am also trying to get used to my new family dynamic of having 3 kids, one of them still a newborn. I’m the type of person who wants to make lists and have goals and objectives and a plan. Right now, that is kind of impossible, so I am having to learn to live in the moment and focus on getting through each day. I think it is probably good for me to have to go through this. I can feel myself growing as a person. I’ve never been a fan of change but it was definitely necessary for my life to move in this direction.
I am looking forward to spending the next few months trying to figure out what comes next for me, professionally. Staying home without an income is not an option for me forever, however I’d like to be home with my children so I am going to spend some time and research figuring out my resources and seeing how I can make working from home a reality. I’ll be investigating monetizing my blog, some direct sales options, virtual assisting and expanding my canvas business, possibly setting up shop on Etsy. I think though, until the New Year I am going to focus on my pretty little girls, my hottie husband and my milk production! Yay me.